MOVIES. SPORTS. POP. SNARK.

Browsing Tag 'pitt'

Stolen Diaries: Angelina Jolie

Monday, January 17th 2011 Dear Diary, Today I awoke with a bit of a hangover. The Golden Globes were a spectacular failure. Though I wouldn’t consider The Tourist my finest work, I’d hoped that my threats to make a sequel to Salt would get me the trophy. Adopted 12 more kids this week. Well, Brad […]

No Pulse, No Problem: Hottest Male Vampires Part I

A quick prologue…. I’ve chosen to ignore, and mock, reader suggestion Jackson Rothbone. (Don’t feel bad reader—teasing, I’ve been told, is one of my love languages.) Firstly, because I know many of you love it, I’m willing to forgive vampires in Twilight.  They can’t help it that Stephanie Meyer sold her soul to the devil […]

Burn After Reading: Burn Before Seeing

Seen the commercials for Burn After Reading? The film seems like it would be genuinely funny. Although, what’s with the dead body sticking out of the closet? That’s the corpse of what could have been. Before I get specific, I should probably lay down my barometer for Coen brothers movies. In my opinion they have […]

Season of Sickness

Just as anyone else who works in a school, I’m exposed to all manner of germs. But the bacteria bonfire I face is considerably more potent. I’m tasked with seventh graders. That’s right. Every day, armed with only demerits and a scented expo marker (Chocó-mint. It’s friggin’ sweet), I do battle with hordes of pubescent […]

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In one of my earliest posts here in Loompaville, I stated that Brokeback Mountain was the single most depressing film I’d ever seen. And it has valiantly held that title for several years. Through I Am Legend’s cheap murder of the dog. It held up. As I watched Mr. Plainview mentally destroy his adopted son […]