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Scott Pilgrim Versus Bradmouth ... two men enter .. the fortunate get to leave ...

 Scott Pilgrim Versus Bradmouth ... two men enter .. the fortunate get to leave ...There is an excellent chance that within the first 5 minutes of Scott Pilgrim versus the world, you turn to your non-existent significant other or another individual among your viewing party and utter 6 words better saved for Syfy Channel movies, Taylor Swift albums, and the New York Jets offense.  Those are, in no particular order … “Oh my God, this is horrendous.”

(Try those words in other orders, it makes you sound like Yoda)

And while it is well-done horrendous ($60 million will buy you some wonderful special effects), the movie fails miserably at its core promise– that it has infused excellent music with limitless video game references to become a cult-like phenomenon.

Sadly, I feel like in some strange way, any of us under 30 could have done a better job fulfilling that need than “Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World.”  Other recent attempts – Grandma’s Boy (2006) and Hot Rod (2007) – are much more worth your time.

Where did Scott Pilgrim fail?  Advertised as a funny movie with a heavy video game theme, some promising cameos, and trendy infused music, how could it go so tragically wrong?

 Scott Pilgrim Versus Bradmouth ... two men enter .. the fortunate get to leave ...

"Only for those who like to party"

First off …  The comedy. Michael Cera is not funny.  Yes, his hair looks ridiculous and his acting abilities in regards to the development of a convincing stutter and a general perception of discomfort are well-honed, but he is a placeholder in the scene (like the corpse in Weekend at Bernie’s).  While necessary–much like a prop or painted wall or some well-timed sound effects–if he is headlining a movie … it is in serious trouble.

The movie does have some funny scenes, but you already saw them … ’cause they were in the trailer.  Jokes are constantly recycled and consistently fall flat (think every Simpsons episode after 1998).  No one is around long enough to bail Cera out (Something the movie SuperBad excelled at). Even worse, most of these characters are treated like we should already know them (kind of like the Harry Potter movies).  I am sorry, I missed the comics, who are these people?

I feel more for Lucy Gennaro (John McClane’s daughter from the Die Hard movies) than the female lead, Ramona Flowers.  Same actress, significant increase in her screen time as Ramona Flowers, yet I care nothing for her.  Mary Elizabeth Winstead seems to be openly competing with Cera to see who can bring nothing to the table (and will watch Emma Stone steal all her roles for the next 10 years).

Secondly … Trendy infused music.  There are examples of movies using the buildup to a single song as a major plot element.  Some examples of this working are Airheads (Degenerated) and EuroTrip (Scotty Doesn’t Know). However, when the song is bad, when it goes all Mr. Holland’s Opus on us and we realize there is a reason he became a teacher and not a composer, this buildup builds nothing.

Not being familiar with the garage band-like , Killers and White Stripes wannabes that Scott Pilgrim’s band tries to emulate, I can’t really tell you if the music was bad.  I have found that if you are not a big fan of a certain genre, really all of the music within that genre sounds bad (yes, this means you country music).  For Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World, ALL of the songs, save a few, sound exactly the same.

This might be fine maybe for a normal movie soundtrack, but when you keep having battle of the bands scenes where the winner appears to be the band that plays the fastest or loudest … it is kind of hard to listen to. So, while I think the music was terrible, a more genre-understanding person may think otherwise, but we both can agree, in true Reggaeton style, all the songs sounded the same.

 Scott Pilgrim Versus Bradmouth ... two men enter .. the fortunate get to leave ...

"Don't forget me! ... I am Brandon Routh! ... I WAS SUPERMAN!!"

Finally .. Promising cameos – Chris Evans … check … Thomas Jane … ok, check …. Brandon Routh … FINE.  These aren’t even cameos anymore.  Letting in the actors that were present for the Punisher and Superman Returns movies aren’t cameos.

Side note: I didn’t think I would ever say this … but after watching the Green Lantern trailer … it looks like Chris Evans as Captain America is going to be a lot more worthwhile than Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern / Flash.  I would not have said that a year ago.

In the end, I cannot remotely recommend this movie (would even slap it out of your hand if I saw you carrying it).  I just hope Hollywood stops making movies of graphic novels that no one has heard of.

Why for every Iron Man do we also have to see a Bulletproof Monk (better than this movie), Daredevil (better than this movie), or Spawn (just a messed up story in general)?  I guess the great part is, we may have just seen the LAST Michael Cera movie.  I would donate another dollar to my local Redbox kiosk right now if I could guarantee that.

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