MOVIES. SPORTS. POP. SNARK.
angry tiger

Tiger Woods was Hercules.  For more than ten years he’s been the God come down from the finest golf course on Mount Olympus to show us mortals how insignificant our records and up and down abilities truly were.  And we loved him for it.  No—we worshiped him as a golf deity who rewarded our adulation […]

The Fertile Myrtle Experience: All-American Beach Vacationing

The summer vacation is one of the quintessential American experiences. The beach. The salt water swelling and coating your skin like some piece of sausage being preserved on the Oregon Trail. Noticing that you’re on the fourteenth floor, then realizing that there is no thirteenth floor, which means you’re on the thirteenth floor. So, because […]

Recently, I bragged to a female coworker of mine that I was fully domesticated. She looked at me quizzically, so I informed her that I did not mean I don’t tinkle on the carpet or scratch up the sofa (though believe it or not, I don’t), but that the path of manhood does have a […]

Burn After Reading: Burn Before Seeing

Seen the commercials for Burn After Reading? The film seems like it would be genuinely funny. Although, what’s with the dead body sticking out of the closet? That’s the corpse of what could have been. Before I get specific, I should probably lay down my barometer for Coen brothers movies. In my opinion they have […]

slater cancelled

As I attempt to dive back into the scalding hot pool that is thankless, barely read blogging, I think I’ll start off small. Not small like Miley Cyrus’s pitch range small. More like Thomas Jane’s star power small. (Come on, you’ve seen Deep Blue Sea, Original Sin, The Punisher, and The Sweetest Thing, haven’t you?) […]

Season of Sickness

Just as anyone else who works in a school, I’m exposed to all manner of germs. But the bacteria bonfire I face is considerably more potent. I’m tasked with seventh graders. That’s right. Every day, armed with only demerits and a scented expo marker (Chocó-mint. It’s friggin’ sweet), I do battle with hordes of pubescent […]

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In one of my earliest posts here in Loompaville, I stated that Brokeback Mountain was the single most depressing film I’d ever seen. And it has valiantly held that title for several years. Through I Am Legend’s cheap murder of the dog. It held up. As I watched Mr. Plainview mentally destroy his adopted son […]

mj

Michael Jackson is dead. No more dancing on cars outside of courtrooms. No more competitive baby danglin’ in Berlin. No more nose reconstructions so that he can “breathe better.” No more putting on some Barry White, turning down the lights, and curling up with a few attention starved adolescents. Yes, Neverland Ranch is permanently closed. […]

They Try To Make Me Go To Rehab…

Tiger Woods has apparently checked himself into a sexual rehabilitation clinic. And so the Public Relations makeover for Eldrick has begun. As someone who wants to enter the fields of PR, advertising, and marketing, I have to say I’m impressed. Checking into rehab is the penicillin for celebrity reputations that have come down with infections […]

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This movie is scarier that Michael Jackson’s funeral.