MOVIES. SPORTS. POP. SNARK.
Oscars 2013: 90 Second Best Picture Predictions

The Oscars start in 30 minutes. You may be thinking, “I know more about Danica Patrick’s GoDaddy commercial than the Oscars. So yeah, I’ll be watching reruns of Storage Wars.” But wait! We here at Bradmouth believe everyone should watch the Oscars. No one should miss out on our annual glorification of celebrities and pretentiousness on […]

2013 Oscar Best Picture Rankings:  Les Misérables

Welcome to Bradmouthin’ at the Movies long anticipated 2013 Oscar Film Battle Royale! Because you should only waste 56 minutes of work per day browsing the internet, and because I have to review 8 freaking movies while my carpal tunnel rages on, these predictions will be short and sweet. Like Danny DeVito dipped in chocolate. […]

Nashville Snow and Ice Survival Guide Entry 1: The Forecast

If you’re reading this, then you understand the dangers of living in Nashville during the winter months, realize that escape is not an option, and want to ensure you live to see winter 2014. Take your right hand from your mouse (left hand if you lost family members in the Salem Witch Trials), move it overtop your […]

The Only Noises Worse than Christian Bale’s Batman Voice

With The Dark Knight Rises only days away, I thought it appropriate to list the top ten sounds in the world that I find more annoying than Christian Bale’s odd, seemingly Hemorrhoid-induced portrayal of Batman’s angry-time voice. 10. Children laughing. 9. Taylor Swift. 8. The emergency broadcast warning signal. 7. Anything Steve Doocy says, ever, ever. 6. A tracheotomy patient whistling “Let […]

Snow White & the Hunstman: If it will end the pain, I’ll eat the apple.

Snow White and the Hunstman is a tour de force in boredom, poor storytelling, and dwarf poop jokes. Before lighting this termite-infested screenplay on fire, I must give Chris Hemsworth (Thor) credit. This movie is like watching a giraffe pass a buffet lunch from Panda Express. It takes a long time and looks as appealing […]

Rotten Tomatoes is Rotten

Much like Magic Eight Balls and the National Enquirer, I have come to place a heavy weight on the information I receive from Rotten Tomatoes. Since the quality of television is somewhere between Smirnoff Ice and the Iranian space program, I’ve recently found myself Red Boxing like a mad man. And the primary place I  […]

Katy Perry: 7 Stages of Grief

Stage 1: SHOCK & DENIAL “You will probably react…with numbed disbelief. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.” In your brain: How did the Friday Friday girl get out another song so fast? Wait minute…this is that hot Proactiv chick.   2. PAIN & GUILT- “As the […]

Harry Potter’s Last Chance to Steal My Money

There are certain things we all continue to do knowing full well it’s going to result in a negative consequence. Checking food temperatures with the tip of your tongue. Using the razor blade for one too many shaves. Eating beef at a dive Mexican restaurant (or as I like to call it—carne del gato). For […]

3D Guide to Upscale Condominium Vocabulary

Open floor plan (n.)–Your freaking bedroom has no door. Doors. That’s right, I never would’ve thought I’d have to ask—does the room you’re claiming to be a room actually have a door? Well, loyal readers, you now have to ask that question. At some point condo, building poop sacks—and I mean poop sacks of a […]

5 Posts That Justify Facebook News Feed Banning

5. Poop Go Down the Hole. Any mention of your bowels, potty experience, or generally anything involving bodily expulsions. I’m not your mother. I don’t care. And neither does Facebook. 4. Crazy Una-Bomber Political Talk. Obama was born in Hawaii. Bush didn’t cause 9-11. And if you post otherwise to Facebook, you either have a […]