Movie Sequels that Never Happened Part I (20 to 16)

Because there is an infinite number of terrible sequels, I had to create some ground rules for this list.

 First, the movie had to be part of a series (generally 3 or more movies or if sequels are currently in production).  I didn’t want to write an article about Weekend at Bernies 2 or whatever direct to DVD movie is currently playing on the sci-fi channel (I am talking about you Screamers 2!  How dare you defile a cult classic).

Second, the movie has to exhibit the greatest drop-off from the rest of the movies.  For example, Superman 4: The Quest for Peace, while one of the worst movies ever, doesn’t get ranked that low mostly because Superman 2 and 3 are also border-line unwatchable. 

Third, this list could go to 100, some movies had to be ignored because I wanted to finish in my lifetime. 

Fourth, the editors of Bradmouth made me break this up into four articles.  Send the hate-mail to them.  Try to write clearly and without using your own blood for ink. 

And Finally, I actually walked out on a few of these movies and some I have never seen, so if you want to argue with me the merits of Godfather 3, there isn’t much I can say .. Other than me of course calling you an idiot. 


20.  Mission Impossible 3
 Movie Sequels that Never Happened Part I (20 to 16)

“Ethan, I don’t think a full body oil massage is going to help get your wife back.”

Thirty minutes of this movie is spent trying to convince the audience that Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) is indeed in love with his wife.  Fresh off Cruise’s couch hopping on Oprah, it really felt like he was overcompensating.  

Like all Mission Impossible movies, this installment does have a pretty good supporting cast and some great action scenes, but for some reason the movie resonates as a hollow shell of what was offered with the first Mission Impossible almost 10 years prior.  And while Mission Impossible II didn’t offer all that much either, it was as good a spot as any to witness the end of this franchise and Tom Cruise’s action movie career.  


19. Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian  

 Movie Sequels that Never Happened Part I (20 to 16)

“So, Peter, you want us to attack the heavily fortified castle. Why didn’t we think of that? Oh yeah, because it’s stupid.”

Or as I call it, poor leadership strategies by annoying English children.   Yes, this movie is based on the book (well some of it), but no one has read the second book in the series.  C.S. Lewis’s one dimensional characters and rampant religious overtones grate on any reader/watcher pretty quickly.  

Despite a $225 million price-tag (spent on anti-aging products for the children), it seems obvious that a feature-length film for a book that can be read in less than an hour is probably not that great of an idea.  I still believe that the Narnians were a lot better off when the White Witch ran things.  Does that mean I just sided with the devil?  


 18.  Die Hard 2   

 Movie Sequels that Never Happened Part I (20 to 16)

“John, she doesn’t love you anymore, maybe you should just let her plane crash.”

No one can seem to agree on the merits of Die Hard 4, Live Free or Die Hard, but we all can agree that Die Hard 2 was well-below par.   Are there any good movies that take place at an airport (other than Airplane of course)?  

Be it extended fight scenes on luggage carousels, taking down platoons of special forces soldiers, shootouts on top of snowmobiles, or a hand to hand combat sequence on the wing of a moving 747, the over the top action scenes are just not that interesting or believable. What’s next John McClain?  Taking down an F-1 Raptor? Wait, that happened in Die Hard 4?  Yet, I think that movie is awesome.  Odd.  

17.  Matrix Reloaded
 Movie Sequels that Never Happened Part I (20 to 16)

“Ergo, nothing I say makes sense. Concordantly, I have been talking non-stop for the last ten minutes and you are still here”

In terms of action, Matrix Reloaded picked up right where the original finished.   The fight sequence on the highway is still one of the most ambitious and exciting sequences of cinema.  Where Reloaded fell short was an overly complicated plot and lengthy speeches designed to describe the Matrix.  

Throw in Agent Smith becoming human, a plethora of new characters, Neo becoming Superman, a quest to find a keymaker, and a lengthy scene with a monotone enabled architect and you are in for one mind-numbing movie-going experience.  To top it all off, the end is completely unsatisfying and manipulates you into watching Matrix Revolutions 6 months later.  


16.  Blade 2  

 Movie Sequels that Never Happened Part I (20 to 16)

“Have you given any thought to not paying your taxes?”

Things that people like that I don’t understand:  Justin “what does German mean?” Bieber, ABC television shows (not including Castle), Twilight, and movies directed by Guillermo del Toro.  

OK, yes some of the vampires (and super vampires) look kind of cool, but Blade shouldn’t be allying with a vampire hit squad, Whistler should be dead, and WWE moves should be reserved for the USA network and the backyards of trailer parks.  This franchise was officially dead to me until Jessica Biel and Ryan Reynolds showed up.  


 Part II

, , , , Movie Reviews