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LeBron: Non-Killer

lebron1 LeBron: Non Killer

I'll be here...until the fourth quarter.

So the Knicks put together a package wherein marketing experts told him he could earn as much as 2 billion, that’s right—BILLION with a “B.”

As in what Halliburton made during the first hour of the Iraq War.

As in what Elin Woods hopes to get in the divorce.

As in how much you could make by starting your own Scientology like religion.

As in what 4,445 teachers make in one year.

sopranos LeBron: Non Killer

Yes. We HAD rather do LeBron skits than another season of Sopranos.

They even recruited James Gandolfini and Edie Falco to shoot a short bit where Tony Soprano, now in witness protection,  needs a place to stay for a friend of his—LeBron James.  Carmela suggests Madison Square Garden, home of the hapless New York Knickerbockers.

First, let’s ignore the debate that any athlete is worth $2 billion.  Let’s just tell ourselves that he revitalizes the organization which results in new hires and helps local businesses.  Yeah, let’s just lie to ourselves that our country has not become the last days of the Roman Empire and worships athletes to a point more unhealthy than Madonna’s worship of all things British.  Cool?

Cool.

The Sopranos skit had me thinking about cold-blooded killers in the NBA.  Players that look for and will even invent ways to feel slighted by the competition.  Guys that, unlike LeBron, will hold onto the ball at the end of the game and not take a crazy three pointer because they actually want to shoot the free throws to put the victory on ice.  Competitors who would literally rather drink sulfuric acid and die than accept a loss.

paula LeBron: Non Killer

It's okay Bron Bron--I couldn't lead my dance team to a title.

Players who aren’t concerned with playing Paula Abdul and choreographing dances with teammates. Or acting out cute little skits before games that are more appropriate for Lakers’ girls or team mascots than “franchise” players.

Killers.

Like Kobe.  D-Wade.  Reggie Miller.  Larry Bird.  And the most cold-blooded killer of all time—Michael Jordan, who once took apart Voshon Lenard because he had the audacity to waive off an extra defender that was coming to help slow him down M.J.

But LeBron?  He wants to have a good time.  He wants to be liked.  He wants to be the NBA’s first billionaire athlete.  He’s as much about branding himself as a product as he is closing out a playoff game.  He wants to be recognized as a global entertainment icon as much as an all-time NBA legend.

nets LeBron: Non Killer

Jersey sales or rings? We'll take the former, please.

So if you’re one of those NBA markets who is in the “LeBron sweepstakes” and you don’t have a basketball assassin—Chicago, New Jersey, even Cleveland—you may get Bron Bron.  You may sell out season tickets.  And you will sell a hell of a lot of jerseys.

But what you won’t do is win championships.  Unless you sign Dwayne Wade or trade for Kobe.

Because LeBron—he ain’t no killer.

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