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How to Creep Out Grocery Shoppers in 5 Easy Steps

creeped grocer How to Creep Out Grocery Shoppers in 5 Easy Steps1. When in the Dairy isle, wait for someone to approach the milk. Then, just before they make their selection, reach in and gently caress the gallon they are about to select. After they recoil, look at them longingly and say, “it’s so white. It’s just sooo white.”

2. Open up the ice cream doors. Allow them to frost over. Draw sad faces with tears streaming down the cheeks. Wait until someone passes to close the door. Preferably someone with small children.

3. Ask the butcher if he’ll let you “play with the meat.” When he asks you what you mean, just wink at him, and say, “you know what I mean.”

4. Drive your cart into the path of oncoming shoppers. Make sure to repetitively snap your left hand and mumble the words, “revelations, innards, marshmallow, fatted-calf, wiper-fluid, unrepentant, Tom Cruise, pestilence, driveshaft, venereal, and waterslide.”

5. At the checkout line, place your groceries on the conveyor belt without using the mighty plastic separator. Leave just enough room so that there’s a narrow, natural barrier between your items and the person checking out in front of you. You will be AMAZED how frantic people become without the separator.

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