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Browsing Category 'Planet Crazy'

Grocery Zombies 1: Post Party Dude

Everyone’s done it.  At least once.  Probably more. The night grows late, you get bored, you know you may regret it in the morning—but you can’t help yourself. I’m talking, of course, about the midnight grocery run. Depending on what you’re up to, you may want to be there really badly.  Possibly suffering from a […]

How to Creep Out Grocery Shoppers in 5 Easy Steps

1. When in the Dairy isle, wait for someone to approach the milk. Then, just before they make their selection, reach in and gently caress the gallon they are about to select. After they recoil, look at them longingly and say, “it’s so white. It’s just sooo white.” 2. Open up the ice cream doors. […]

The Fertile Myrtle Experience: All-American Beach Vacationing

The summer vacation is one of the quintessential American experiences. The beach. The salt water swelling and coating your skin like some piece of sausage being preserved on the Oregon Trail. Noticing that you’re on the fourteenth floor, then realizing that there is no thirteenth floor, which means you’re on the thirteenth floor. So, because […]

Recently, I bragged to a female coworker of mine that I was fully domesticated. She looked at me quizzically, so I informed her that I did not mean I don’t tinkle on the carpet or scratch up the sofa (though believe it or not, I don’t), but that the path of manhood does have a […]

slater cancelled

As I attempt to dive back into the scalding hot pool that is thankless, barely read blogging, I think I’ll start off small. Not small like Miley Cyrus’s pitch range small. More like Thomas Jane’s star power small. (Come on, you’ve seen Deep Blue Sea, Original Sin, The Punisher, and The Sweetest Thing, haven’t you?) […]

monkees

The morning alarm wrenched me from sleep, same as any other day. My cell phone alarm (yes, I’ve finally converted to the phone alarm, but I don’t have to like it) played some tune that was a mix between Ode to Joy and My Sharona—awful mutt of a ringer, really—and I quickly began building an […]