Open floor plan (n.)–Your freaking bedroom has no door.
Doors.
That’s right, I never would’ve thought I’d have to ask—does the room you’re claiming to be a room actually have a door?
Well, loyal readers, you now have to ask that question.
At some point condo, building poop sacks—and I mean poop sacks of a scale not seen since Ben Roethlisberger assumed public restroom was code word for “brothel”—decided that you could call a Port-A-John sized space an “open bedroom” without even slapping a tarp across the opening.
If it doesn’t have a door, it’s not a “room.”
Stupid poop sacks.
Breathe (used to be a verb)–Very small decks.
If the only cookout party you can fit on your “deck” consists of a Forman Grill and 1 and a 1/2 Ewoks, then call it what it is—a ledge with a railing.
And no, giving it hipster trendouche terms like “breathe” or “sunspace” only pisses off property seekers more.
Free Living Area (n.)–Your DVD player better double as your blender.
Do you like to eat all your meals on your couch? Do you enjoy feeling the heat of your microwave on your neck while watching your television?
If so, then make sure you check into new age urban living, where apparently the idea of kitchen is as yesterday churning your own butter.
Brad,
You can move in over my garage anytime!!! Millie
You may regret that offer.
I wasn’t familiar with all these terms.
In my area I see some “balconies” that look like a longish ledge. I think it sucks.
I’m in Miami Beach, so I’m familiar with condo living (or unliving).
“Unliving.”
Nice.
Sounds like you want space….what about a small home…with a small yard? Love (actually hate) the new real estate lingo but you make it entertaining!
I do what I can. And I’d prefer a subterranean compound. Easy on the utility bill.
Be aware of the term “well-appointed” space. It basically means you’ll be living in a shoe box, but the architect put every square centimeter of that shoe box in the perfect place (whatever that means).
A perfectly placed hole in the wall. Give us $200 per sq. ft.