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2 Minute Movie Review: The Town

the town2 2 Minute Movie Review: The TownThe Town in a sentence:

If Point Break and Heat had a baby, and then that baby drove around in a tank, married a supermodel, won the World Series of Poker and a game of beer pong simultaneously, and trained a Grizzly Bear to sing show tunes all while revitalizing the economy as Mayor of Awesome Land.

What is this whole The Town business deal about?

Ben Affleck and his boys likes robbing da banks.

Only Bennie falls for one of the robbees and decides he’s going “to leave this whole town in his rearview” with aforementioned game-over girl-brunette. His crime boss and the FBI prefer The Town stays squarely in his front view.

What Made Me Want to Buy a Tickle Me Elmo Mask and Start Robbing Banks:

Do you remember the last time you bought something—anything, maybe a cupcake, a CD, a car, a SpongeBob SquarePants bobble head—and it was exactly as great as you hoped?

The acting in the The Town is that bobble head.

Ben Affleck decided to act (and direct) in this film.  For realz, he never cracks that I just sharted my boxers half grin in this film, not once (if you need clarification, see Daredevil and Paycheck—he does it about eleventy gillion times).

Every line, probably because he’s dropping them through that unmistakable fermented Boston accent that most Americans find simultaneously grating and attractive, is well timed and precisely delivered.

The supporting cast for The Town is spectacular—Jeremy Renner, who admittedly comes off in the previews a little worse than a rat dipped in Febreze, plays the angry Charlestown lifer with full, daddy never hugged me as a child commitment.

And Jon Hamm, who is officially in the top 5 Bradmouth Dudes Who Are Kind of Hot on the Streets Right Now, is on point as one of the most intense, sarcastic, not the guy to screw with lawmen since Tommy Lee Jones in, well, all of Tommy Lee Jones movies.

The Dye Pack that Got Slipped in my Popcorn:

The Town’s only weakness is the predictability of the plot.

No, you don’t know with which high powered firearm people will be killed with, but you know who’s going to be receiving the lead.

No, you don’t when someone in Ben Affleck’s past is going to screw things up for him, but you can narrow it to a couple folks pretty darn quickly.

And while watching the gang execute the robberies was more fun than seeing Justin Bieber get hit in the head with a water bottle, the movie is basically this—broken man, robbery, haunted past, robbery, fall in love, talk about robberies, leaving town, gots to do more robberies, more sweet lovin’, attempt robbery and look to leave The Town, the end.

The Town’s Bradmouth Rating:

4.5 out of 5 silent alarms.

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