Rotten Tomatoes is Rotten

Much like Magic Eight Balls and the National Enquirer, I have come to place a heavy weight on the information I receive from Rotten Tomatoes. Since the quality of television is somewhere between Smirnoff Ice and the Iranian space program, I’ve recently found myself Red Boxing like a mad man. And the primary place I  […]

Katie Perry: 7 Stages of Grief

Stage 1: SHOCK & DENIAL “You will probably react…with numbed disbelief. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.” In your brain: How did the Friday Friday girl get out another song so fast? Wait minute…this is that hot Proactiv chick.   2. PAIN & GUILT- “As the […]

Harry Potter’s Last Chance to Steal My Money

There are certain things we all continue to do knowing full well it’s going to result in a negative consequence. Checking food temperatures with the tip of your tongue. Using the razor blade for one too many shaves. Eating beef at a dive Mexican restaurant (or as I like to call it—carne del gato). For […]

3D Guide to Upscale Condominium Vocabulary

Open floor plan (n.)–Your freaking bedroom has no door. Doors. That’s right, I never would’ve thought I’d have to ask—does the room you’re claiming to be a room actually have a door? Well, loyal readers, you now have to ask that question. At some point condo, building poop sacks—and I mean poop sacks of a […]