Snow White & the Hunstman: If it will end the pain, I’ll eat the apple.

Snow White and the Hunstman is a tour de force in boredom, poor storytelling, and dwarf poop jokes. Before lighting this termite-infested screenplay on fire, I must give Chris Hemsworth (Thor) credit. This movie is like watching a giraffe pass a buffet lunch from Panda Express. It takes a long time and looks as appealing […]

Rotten Tomatoes is Rotten

Much like Magic Eight Balls and the National Enquirer, I have come to place a heavy weight on the information I receive from Rotten Tomatoes. Since the quality of television is somewhere between Smirnoff Ice and the Iranian space program, I’ve recently found myself Red Boxing like a mad man. And the primary place I  […]

Katie Perry: 7 Stages of Grief

Stage 1: SHOCK & DENIAL “You will probably react…with numbed disbelief. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.” In your brain: How did the Friday Friday girl get out another song so fast? Wait minute…this is that hot Proactiv chick.   2. PAIN & GUILT- “As the […]

Harry Potter’s Last Chance to Steal My Money

There are certain things we all continue to do knowing full well it’s going to result in a negative consequence. Checking food temperatures with the tip of your tongue. Using the razor blade for one too many shaves. Eating beef at a dive Mexican restaurant (or as I like to call it—carne del gato). For […]